Is It Fun Yet?
Until my husband took me to lunch
today, I was not certain how I would approach this week’s moment of
reflection. One of our favorite restaurants is Carrabba’s Italian Grill. We
either sit in front of the grill area, or, in the bar. Today, Angel, the
bartender was working so we decided to sit in the bar and watch the X Games. We have known Angel for the
past five years; but, we do not know her outside of the restaurant. Her
personality is as bubbly and effervescent as the many adult beverages she
serves; yet, today, she was out of sorts. I had never seen her this way. As we took
our seat at one of the high-top tables, my mind returned to one of the many times
my father took the family out for dinner.
Having dad take my brother and me
out for dinner was always a treat. Dining out was not done as often in the 60s
as it is today. Part of my father’s routine was to assess the waitress. If the
waitress was frowning and seemingly having a bad day, my father would always
smile and ask, “do your feet hurt?” Invariably this caught the waitress off
guard, although she would always take a moment to answer. I never understood my
father’s interest in the condition of the waitress’ feet until I was older. His
wisdom shown through again as I found myself asking Angel, is it fun yet? Different
words; nonetheless, the same sentiment.
According to Yukl (2013), concern,
recognition, and thoughtfulness “for the needs and feelings of other people”
are the hallmark behaviors for supportive leadership. It is not surprising the
main finding from all of the research conducted on the effects of leadership
indicates a positive correlation with understanding and worker satisfaction.
Yukl (2013) provides four principles that are applicable in the workplace and
elsewhere, which include:
·
Show acceptance and positive regard
·
Provide sympathy and support when the person is
anxious or upset
·
Bolster the person’s self-esteem and confidence
·
Be willing to help with personal problems (p.
64).
By noticing that
Angel was not herself, I took a page from my dad’s book and asked her, is it
fun yet? She was able to stop for a moment and smile. As I said, we have known
each other for years and often greet with a hug. It seems as if this afternoon’s
hug was a simple gesture Angel needed and welcomed. Afterward, she was able to
begin to release the chaos that had been building inside of her. As a customer,
I could have easily brushed off the bad day she was having and been highly
critical of her behavior as a server; but, that would defy all I have learned
both from my father and from my experiences in the workplace.
I was a home office underwriter for
more than a decade. My career began as a file clerk and ended as senior
underwriter. As I traveled up the ladder of success, there were many people
along the way who took time to get to know me, listened to my concerns, coached
me through difficult tasks, voiced their confidence in me, and offered an ear
when needed. I never forgot these kind gestures and I have always tried to
repay that kindness. Today, it is known as paying it forward; for me, both then
and now, it has always been simply doing the right thing.
During my tenure with American
Pioneer Life Insurance, I organized department picnics. Between the policy
issue and underwriting department, there were about twenty employees. The
picnics were designed to help us all get to know each other and our families.
We held them at Rock Springs, Florida and each year brought more anticipation.
Our bosses grilled hamburgers. Our kids went tubing down the springs, or played
tag football in the grassy fields. Most of the workers were women, so, we took
turns swapping recipes and trying to one-up each other’s special picnic dish.
It brought us closer together and this stayed with us at work. I was able to
get to know fellow workers better. I learned about their interests and their
family. By establishing and maintaining these relationships, it was easy to
stop work and listen the day my friend needed a shoulder.
A fellow underwriter poked her head
in my office one day and asked if I had lunch plans. The walls in our office
were quite thin and I had heard her crying earlier. I did not hesitate. We sat
in her car as she sobbingly told me her husband of twenty years had decided to
embrace his sexuality. This was during the early 90s; a time when homosexuality
was still spoken of with whispers. He had been meeting his lover in secret for
years. They had two young daughters and my friend was devastated. She was a
bright and intelligent woman; but, this revelation shook her to her core. Her
self-esteem had been obliterated and her confidence was a shadow of its former
glory. All I could do was listen and let her cry. For more than a year, she
and I walked during lunch and afternoon breaks. She talked and I listened. I
offered advice when I could. At the time, I was going through a divorce, so, I
had some sense of her pain. Although I was her supervisor, we became close
friends and were able to help each other. This relationship, which began as
supervisor and subordinate, was able to grow from not only day to day
interactions; but the extended interactions, like that of picnics and office
Christmas parties, solidified the foundation such that when she needed support,
I was able to give it.
These four principles, when
incorporated, open the door for Yukl’s (2013) nine guiding principles for
developing worker skills. In addition to listening to my friend, I helped her
focus on her position and career with the company. She was junior underwriter and
focusing on other things has always helped me take my mind off difficult
situations. Our company offered continuing education courses, designed for
insurance underwriters, and I encouraged her to begin taking the courses. They
were self-paced programs. Tests were scheduled twice yearly. That first year, I
convinced her to take just one course. We studied together and where
applicable, I could demonstrate the principles with specific cases. When it
came time for her to take the Actuarial Mathematics course, I introduced her to
our company’s actuary. He had been quite generous with his time while helping
me to prepare. I asked if he could extend that same generosity to her; but, I
never betrayed her confidence. He helped her as he did me; and, just as I had
done, she passed the course on her first attempt. After she told me she had
obtained her designation of Fellow Life Management Institute, I told our boss.
When her certificate arrived, the staff was gathered for the presentation and
recognition of her achievement. This was routine for any employee who had
completed the course; but, it was a much sweeter moment knowing what she had
been through. I took her out for lunch that day. We did not dine in her car and
neither did we cry. We celebrated her accomplishment.
As I listened to Angel, I could not
help but think of my fellow underwriter. Angel and I are not as close as my
co-worker and I once were; but, those same principles popped up. Angel was
having a bad day. A simple hug let her know it was okay to stop for a moment
and breathe. She had worked a double shift. Her work area was unorganized;
something which aggravated her. I was able to offer a joke about the hormones
having a day out and how chaos can ensue. Again, she was able to laugh. Each
time she stopped by the table, she could chat a little more. Each time, her smile
got a little bigger and brighter. She was able to release a little more of her
frustration, too. Her husband had eaten her package of Goldfish crackers. Her
mother-in-law had taken the last bit of milk. Her boss would not call in an
additional person. I do not remember the conversations the waitresses would
have with my father; but, I now understand why he took time to ask a question
like “do your feet hurt?” He knew their feet were not the issue; just as Angel
knew I could tell she was not having fun. Rather, a simple show of support gave
me the opportunity to help a former co-worker and server, just as others had
helped me.
References
Yukl, G. (2013).
Leadership in Organizations. (8th
ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
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