Turning
Points
Denning
(2011) refers to life’s turning points as “a fruitful source” for stories and
as “moments of disruption when some incident gives us a glimpse of the regions
of deeper feelings” (p. 100). It is these deeper feelings, and the subsequent
movement from the quadrants, identified by McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) as
the Unknown, Blind, and Hidden Self, to the Open Self that allows for and leads
to self-disclosure. Such self-proclamations help to establish one’s credibility
by shoring the foundations of trustworthiness, expertise, goodwill, and
dynamism, considered to be the four pillars by Whalen (2007). The entire
process combines to help leaders enhance their ability to see moods and
feelings in others, direct emotions and behavior “appropriate for the situation”,
resist impulsivity, and understand “one’s own moods and emotions”, a competency
identified by Yukl (2013) as “emotional intelligence” (p. 151). Often times,
turning points are found in stories from our childhood; but, as Denning (2011)
notes the “resulting life story is usually a mix” (p. 98).
The
mind is truly a beautiful creation. It contains voluminous albums of memories,
complete with that snapshot seared into our most revered remembrances. Like a
modern day computer, they remain stored and are easily accessible whenever the
need arises. Denning (2011) cautions storytellers to remain “authentic” and
offer examples that allow the audience a glimpse of one’s “inner conviction”
(p. 97). Such examples answer the questions asked in the minds of audiences.
Stories provide insight as to who we are and how we “may act in the future”
(Denning, 2011, p. 93). Two such stories come to mind as I think how best to
convey how I behave and feel about teams in the workplace.
I
was still in junior high school, Deltona Junior High School to be specific. It
was seventh grade and a part of my routine included playing softball. I love
softball! I remember watching my dad play men’s softball. When he began to
teach me to hit, throw, catch, and run bases, I was elated. My brother played
little league baseball; so, there was never a shortage of having someone with
whom to play catch. There are nine girls on a softball team. I was probably the
shortest player in the DeBary league; but, that never deterred me. I worked
just as hard, if not harder, than the other girls. I think deep down I always
felt I had to prove my ability because of my size. Perhaps some of that
persists today. For softball, I wore my hair in two braids, pigtails. Each
year, I tried out for and made the team as starting second base. More often
than not, other teams would purposely hit my way thinking I would be unable to
field the ball. Many times they were proven wrong. I was equally as frustrating
when it came to batting. The entire opposing team would take at least three to
five steps inward believing I could not hit. Again, their strategy proved to be
wrong because I could easily hit to any field and over the infield. Being a
part of a team, at least for me, is an acceptance of skill level. Can you hit?
Can you catch? Can you learn and are your willing to be taught and listen? Will
you do what’s best for the team? Not everyone can be a star player. Often times
being part of a team means performing a task outside of your comfort zone. I
had to play first base for one game, even though I preferred and practiced for
second base. It was what the team needed and the reward came when we won.
Another lesson being a part of a softball team taught me was it was okay to ask
why certain players were not pulling their weight. There is a right way and a
wrong way to broach the subject. In addition to learning how to accept others,
their skill sets, and assessing whether lesson could be learned, and answers to
tough questions could be found, being a part of a team offers other
opportunities for increased self-knowledge and improved communications.
It
was 1977 and I was a junior at DeLand Senior High School, I had hung up my
softball glove and cleats and traded them for a leotard, tights, and ballet
slippers. Talk about a 180! I had practiced and tried out to become a member of
Avant Garde, the high school’s dance troop. Although we learned the individual
steps for each dance, we came together during rehearsals by listening to our
instructor and following the beat and count of the music. We were a successful
girl’s dance team. There were distinct advantages with being a unisex team.
Traveling was easy. Whenever we traveled to another school to perform, we could
change in the same locker room, share the same bathroom stalls, if needed,
share make-up, and interchange costumes. This recipe for success had worked for
years; and, not just with the dance team. Our cheerleading squad consisted of
only girls. My senior year brought a sudden and later welcomed change to the
dance team.
Our senior
year show was based on the movie That’s
Entertainment. I can still hear those songs as I remember all the rehearsing,
the make-up, the costume changes, and all of the fun that comes with a high
school performance. Our group has extended an invitation to the school’s choir
group, The Modernaires. For the first time, and with limited appearances, boys
would actually perform with Avant Garde. It took our performances to a new
level. It opened the door for more and various types of choreography. Scenes
with couples dancing could be incorporated. A boy could sing to a girl and have
her respond with dance, or vice versa, as some of the Avant Garde members were
also Modernaires. A new energy had been introduced to our group; and, ten years
later when I returned for the ten year reunion of the Class of 1978, I was
happy and proud to see that boys had become members, not just invited performers,
of Avant Garde. Just as Andrew Stanton, the genius behind movies such as Finding Nemo and Wall-E explains in a presentation by TEDTalks (2012), “change is fundamental
in stories”; and, I would argue, change is fundamental in groups, as static in
groups will lead to the death of that group. It was the diversity introduced
through the incorporation of boys to an all-girl dance troop that paved the way
for it to not only become accepted; it became a standard, and ten years later,
the group and its performances had grown because of the change.
As I look
back, I realize how those two snapshots stay with me to this day. Although I
quite enjoy being short, I still find myself trying harder than others. That
desire to succeed and be accepted by a team because of abilities drives me
in much the same way. It taught me to accept others for their skills and
willingness to help the team by learning, listening, and doing your best. My
Avant Garde years expanded my views of all fill in the blank teams. I found
that diversity adds to any group setting and keeps a team fresh. As Denning
(2011) noted, stories such as these allow an audience to understand critical
experiences that shaped who I am today and provide insight as to how I will act
in certain, future circumstances. Had I simply stated, I am a team player,
chances are my credibility would have had “no meaning” as these are words all
too often (Whalen, 2007). However, a little self-disclosure, “clarifies and
enlivens” while making and building exciting and intimate relationships (McKay
et al., 2009, p. 24).
References
Denning, S. (2011). The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling:
Mastering the Art and Discipline of
Business Narrative. San
Francisco, CA. Jossey-Bass.
McKay, M., Davis, M., &
Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The
Communication Skills Book.
Oakland,
CA. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
TEDTalks. (2012, Mar. 21).
Andrew Stanton: the clues to a great story. [Video file].
Retrieved
from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxDwieKpawg
Whalen, D.J. (2007). The Professional Communications Toolkit. Thousand
Oaks, CA. Sage
Publications,
Inc.
Yukl, G. (2013). Leadership in Organizations. (8th
ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
