A521.3.4.RB_MedleyKim_Turning_Points

Turning Points

          Denning (2011) refers to life’s turning points as “a fruitful source” for stories and as “moments of disruption when some incident gives us a glimpse of the regions of deeper feelings” (p. 100). It is these deeper feelings, and the subsequent movement from the quadrants, identified by McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) as the Unknown, Blind, and Hidden Self, to the Open Self that allows for and leads to self-disclosure. Such self-proclamations help to establish one’s credibility by shoring the foundations of trustworthiness, expertise, goodwill, and dynamism, considered to be the four pillars by Whalen (2007). The entire process combines to help leaders enhance their ability to see moods and feelings in others, direct emotions and behavior “appropriate for the situation”, resist impulsivity, and understand “one’s own moods and emotions”, a competency identified by Yukl (2013) as “emotional intelligence” (p. 151). Often times, turning points are found in stories from our childhood; but, as Denning (2011) notes the “resulting life story is usually a mix” (p. 98).

          The mind is truly a beautiful creation. It contains voluminous albums of memories, complete with that snapshot seared into our most revered remembrances. Like a modern day computer, they remain stored and are easily accessible whenever the need arises. Denning (2011) cautions storytellers to remain “authentic” and offer examples that allow the audience a glimpse of one’s “inner conviction” (p. 97). Such examples answer the questions asked in the minds of audiences. Stories provide insight as to who we are and how we “may act in the future” (Denning, 2011, p. 93). Two such stories come to mind as I think how best to convey how I behave and feel about teams in the workplace.

          I was still in junior high school, Deltona Junior High School to be specific. It was seventh grade and a part of my routine included playing softball. I love softball! I remember watching my dad play men’s softball. When he began to teach me to hit, throw, catch, and run bases, I was elated. My brother played little league baseball; so, there was never a shortage of having someone with whom to play catch. There are nine girls on a softball team. I was probably the shortest player in the DeBary league; but, that never deterred me. I worked just as hard, if not harder, than the other girls. I think deep down I always felt I had to prove my ability because of my size. Perhaps some of that persists today. For softball, I wore my hair in two braids, pigtails. Each year, I tried out for and made the team as starting second base. More often than not, other teams would purposely hit my way thinking I would be unable to field the ball. Many times they were proven wrong. I was equally as frustrating when it came to batting. The entire opposing team would take at least three to five steps inward believing I could not hit. Again, their strategy proved to be wrong because I could easily hit to any field and over the infield. Being a part of a team, at least for me, is an acceptance of skill level. Can you hit? Can you catch? Can you learn and are your willing to be taught and listen? Will you do what’s best for the team? Not everyone can be a star player. Often times being part of a team means performing a task outside of your comfort zone. I had to play first base for one game, even though I preferred and practiced for second base. It was what the team needed and the reward came when we won. Another lesson being a part of a softball team taught me was it was okay to ask why certain players were not pulling their weight. There is a right way and a wrong way to broach the subject. In addition to learning how to accept others, their skill sets, and assessing whether lesson could be learned, and answers to tough questions could be found, being a part of a team offers other opportunities for increased self-knowledge and improved communications.

          It was 1977 and I was a junior at DeLand Senior High School, I had hung up my softball glove and cleats and traded them for a leotard, tights, and ballet slippers. Talk about a 180! I had practiced and tried out to become a member of Avant Garde, the high school’s dance troop. Although we learned the individual steps for each dance, we came together during rehearsals by listening to our instructor and following the beat and count of the music. We were a successful girl’s dance team. There were distinct advantages with being a unisex team. Traveling was easy. Whenever we traveled to another school to perform, we could change in the same locker room, share the same bathroom stalls, if needed, share make-up, and interchange costumes. This recipe for success had worked for years; and, not just with the dance team. Our cheerleading squad consisted of only girls. My senior year brought a sudden and later welcomed change to the dance team.

           Our senior year show was based on the movie That’s Entertainment. I can still hear those songs as I remember all the rehearsing, the make-up, the costume changes, and all of the fun that comes with a high school performance. Our group has extended an invitation to the school’s choir group, The Modernaires. For the first time, and with limited appearances, boys would actually perform with Avant Garde. It took our performances to a new level. It opened the door for more and various types of choreography. Scenes with couples dancing could be incorporated. A boy could sing to a girl and have her respond with dance, or vice versa, as some of the Avant Garde members were also Modernaires. A new energy had been introduced to our group; and, ten years later when I returned for the ten year reunion of the Class of 1978, I was happy and proud to see that boys had become members, not just invited performers, of Avant Garde. Just as Andrew Stanton, the genius behind movies such as Finding Nemo and Wall-E explains in a presentation by TEDTalks (2012), “change is fundamental in stories”; and, I would argue, change is fundamental in groups, as static in groups will lead to the death of that group. It was the diversity introduced through the incorporation of boys to an all-girl dance troop that paved the way for it to not only become accepted; it became a standard, and ten years later, the group and its performances had grown because of the change.

          As I look back, I realize how those two snapshots stay with me to this day. Although I quite enjoy being short, I still find myself trying harder than others. That desire to succeed and be accepted by a team because of abilities drives me in much the same way. It taught me to accept others for their skills and willingness to help the team by learning, listening, and doing your best. My Avant Garde years expanded my views of all fill in the blank teams. I found that diversity adds to any group setting and keeps a team fresh. As Denning (2011) noted, stories such as these allow an audience to understand critical experiences that shaped who I am today and provide insight as to how I will act in certain, future circumstances. Had I simply stated, I am a team player, chances are my credibility would have had “no meaning” as these are words all too often (Whalen, 2007). However, a little self-disclosure, “clarifies and enlivens” while making and building exciting and intimate relationships (McKay et al., 2009, p. 24). 

References

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of

            Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA. Jossey-Bass.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book.

            Oakland, CA. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

TEDTalks. (2012, Mar. 21). Andrew Stanton: the clues to a great story. [Video file].

            Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxDwieKpawg

Whalen, D.J. (2007). The Professional Communications Toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA. Sage

            Publications, Inc.

Yukl, G. (2013). Leadership in Organizations. (8^th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

A521.2.3.RB_MedleyKim_Beware of Nkali

Beware of Nkali

            McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) begin a discussion about messages by beginning with an essential element required so as to avoid discouraging “potential friends and lovers” (p. 5). The critical factor is listening. When faced with two roads diverging in a forest, listening is the difference between walking that road alone or with those who are not only “drawn to you”; but, they seek to “confide in you” and deepen friendships (McKay et al., 209, p. 5). As proffered by McKay et al. (2009), “It’s dangerous not to listen!” (p. 5). Not listening leads to that which McKay et al. (2009) refer to as the “twelve blocks to listening” (p. 9). As I watched the TEDGlobal (2009) presentation, featuring Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, it struck me she was providing an explanation for many of these blocks.

            Adichie begins by recalling the many stories she read as a child (TEDGlobal, 2009). I found it strange a presentation that focused on storytelling would begin with reading; but, then it hit me. When we enjoy the solitude of a good book, whether that book convinces a young girl from Nigeria she is as those characters that “played in the snow … ate apples…” or marveled how the sun appeared, or whether books eventually change long-held beliefs and perceptions, we are an audience of one listening as the voice in our head gives life and meaning to the words on the page (TEDGlobal, 2009). As Adichie continued, the blocks became visible; and, “The Danger of a Single Story” became clear (TEDGlobal, 2009).

            As is my practice, I review material, take notes, and then I step away from it to allow the information to process. McKay et al. (2009) list twelve blocks that prevent us from becoming good listeners: comparing, mind reading, rehearsing, filtering, judging, dreaming, identifying, advising, sparring, being right, derailing, and placating. While Adichie’s words swirled about in my head, I attended a memorial service for a dear friend. As I walked up to the Daytona State College Amphitheater at the Flagler/Palm Coast Campus, I saw Jason, a fellow alumnus; but, more importantly, a good friend. As we hugged and exchanged greetings, the images painted throughout Adichie’s story flooded my thought process. Adichie tells of the day she met her college roommate; and, based on how the American girl viewed Adichie, her mind quickly conveyed words such that judgements included verbal requests to listen to Adichie’s “tribal music” along with queries as to how Adichie, from the “country” of Africa, was able “to speak English so well” (TEDGlobal, 2009). Here I was, awaiting the commencement of the memorial service, and the initial judgement I had made of Jason was not only staring me in the face, it embraced me.

            Jason is about ten years younger than I am. Each of us had returned to college to expand our education. I first met him during the Spring Semester of 2010. We were students in College Algebra. Whalen (2007) advises “most people are visually oriented … they want messages in pictures” (p. 37). Jason stands about 5’10”. His head is completely shaved. He wears wire-rimmed glasses, smokes cigarillos, and completes his fashion statement by adorning his arms, legs, and neck with tattoos; and, inserting plugs into his ear lobes. The words I said to myself as my eyes took in this visual led to judging; and, had I not been able to “evaluate it” and eventually avoid the block, the embrace so welcomed and so very much needed from a good friend would not have been there (McKay et al., 2009, p. 16).

            Just as Locke had judged the African people and referred to them as “beasts who have no houses” and a “people without heads, having their mouths and eyes in their breasts”, I had judged Jason as an obvious non-conformist, who stood ready to rebel against all of my predetermined stereotypes of the model College Algebra student (TEDGlobal, 2009). I remember thinking he was probably a slacker and I would make sure not to be a part of team of which he was included. Adichie speaks of “an Igbo word”, known as “nkali” which means “to be greater than another” (TEDGlobal, 2009). McKay et al. (2009) caution “negative labels have enormous power” and this leads us to classify people as “stupid or nuts or unqualified” (p. 10). I had done this. I could not imagine that Jason would grasp the concept of College Algebra. Little could I know that he would be the one to not only tutor me; he would reinforce that life lesson to never judge a book by its cover.

            For the remainder of the term, Jason would drive in from the western part of Flagler County to the coffee shop housed in the now closed Books-A-Million. He gave up his Saturday mornings with his family to help six students. He would spend at least two hours going over that week’s materials and lessons. He had the ability to take a complicated process and present it in a way that helped me to understand. As the semester progressed, Jason and I began to compete with each other to see who would receive the highest score on our tests. At the end of the semester, I had surpassed him with grades. That summer, we each took College Statistics; and, again, found ourselves in competition. If I had allowed my visual to block my ability to listen to Jason, I would not have been able to hear him as he carefully guided me through a few difficult principles of College Algebra. He was able to help me expand my understanding of complicated equations; more importantly, he helped me to expand my circle of friends. Adichie ends her story with a single thought, “when we reject the single story, when we realize that there is never a single story about any place, we regain a kind of paradise” (TEDGlobal, 2009). Similarly, when we reject a single story that has been created by solely listening to the voice in our head as it provides words to describe an image before us, we open our minds to the possibilities of learning from someone we had initially rejected; and in so doing, not only to we gain a friend, we strengthen a bond acknowledged and reinforced with a simple embrace each time we meet.

References

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book.

            Oakland, CA. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

TEDGlobal. (2009, July). Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story.

            [Video file]. Retrieved from             http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story/transcript            ?language=en#t-1103146

Whalen, D.J. (2007). The Professional Communications Toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA. Sage           

           Publications, Inc.

A521.1.4.RB_MedleyKim_ AAUW: Opening Doors for Women

AAUW: Opening Doors for Women

     The roots of the its many branches, including Flagler County, as presented by the American Association of University Women (n.d.), first took hold in Boston when fifteen women, alumnae from eight universities, met to consider “broadening opportunities and assisting other women in higher education”, along with maintaining “high standards of education” for women. More than a century later, AAUW and its now “more than 170,000 members”, representing “1,000 local branches and over 800 college and university partners”, has produced incredible research topics such as: attending college is not detrimental to women’s health, studying gender pay gap, discrimination on college campus, environmental concerns, and “Women in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics” (AAUW, n.d.). That same story, helping women break through educational and economic barriers, was as described by Denning (2011), the “plain, simple, and direct” calling that provided the foundation for the Flagler Branch of AAUW (p. 41).

     How does a national organization such as AAUW, take a simple story, equity for women, and keep it relevant for more than one hundred years? As noted by Andrew Stanton, in a presentation by TEDTalks (2012), “Change is fundamental in stories. If things go static, stories die”. The common story of advancing educational and economic opportunities for women maintains its freshness and relevance through the branches. Denning (2011) outlines an interaction that takes place with the storyteller and the audience. Therefore, a story told to an audience in Boston or Washington, D.C. may not resonate with an audience in Selma, Alabama. Denning (2011) provides storytellers must be able to customize the story. This ability to customize also helps in the ability to incorporate an audience’s “hopes and fears”, along with “current priorities”, so that issues are presented as today’s, rather than “yesterday’s news” (Denning, 2011, p. 54). The branches are able to infuse change at a local level by following local community news and current events. An incredible opportunity, provided by the local AAUW Flagler Branch, was the first step along the path to my membership with this group.

     The AAUW Flagler Branch (2015) began in 1984, when fourteen women, similar to the Boston story, came together to address “a need for the organization in the community”. Their mission is similar to that of the national group; but, they direct their efforts to primarily local concerns (AAUW Flagler, 2015). Whether the first sentence of the story, begins at the national or local level, Stanton states it should lead to a “singular goal” (TEDTalks, 2012). Women’s equity is the main goal of AAUW, at the national, state, and local level; and, this simple focus not only defines who the group is; it accomplishes Stanton’s number one commandment of storytelling; it makes one care (TEDTalks, 2012). AAUW Flagler’s (n.d.) website has a simple, thirty second video; and, although it includes audio, it follows what Stanton refers to as “storytelling without dialogue” (TEDTalks, 2012). A young girl, opens her closet doors, several times, only to be met with the same fashion opportunity, a non-descript school uniform dress. Then, one day, she opens the doors, and not only is she presented with fashion choices, those choices now represent career choices: firefighter, police, doctor, military, and professor (AAUW Flagler, n.d.). In May of 2013, this group opened a door for me that led me to the campus of the University of Maryland.

     The National Conference for College Women Student Leaders (NCCWSL) was first established by AAUW National in 2002 (AAUW, n.d.). Although the Flagler Branch had followed similar programming structure found throughout local branches i.e., fundraising activities, high school scholarship programs, monthly luncheons with featured speakers, and internal activities like Reading and Walking Women; its partnership with Daytona State College, Flagler/Palm Coast Campus, received an exclamation point with the selection of the first scholarship recipient for NCCWSL. This was my first formal introduction to this group of amazing women. The scholarship provided me with the opportunity to travel to Washington D.C., meet other young, women leaders from across the country, take advantage of a plethora of seminars, and listen to lessons learned from leaders like, Deborah Owens, a financial advisor with more than twenty years of experience; and, a woman who truly understands why women need a purse of their own.

     I remember that evening as if it was yesterday. Each of us put on beautiful dresses, styled our hair, perfected our make-up, and walked, what seemed like a mile, uphill each way, in heels. Most of the students in attendance were in their twenties. I was fortunate to have found two women close to my age of fifty-three. We are still in contact with each other. As Deborah Owens began to tell her story, Whalen’s (2007) “felt sense” moment rushed through me as I continued to listen (p. 9). Did I know it was called “felt sense” (Whalen, 2007, p. 9)? No; but, I related to the story, one that she had changed for our audience. I still have my notes from her speech. Why did this strike such a cord? Because, my mother, who had been married to my father for twenty years, found herself in a position of being separated from my father and lacked the fundamental understanding of a task as simple as writing a check to pay the electric bill. She did not have the slightest clue as to how much money was in the joint bank account, how much my father’s salary was, or the scope of the monthly budget. Sadly, my mother passed away before a single divorce paper was filed; but, her fear, fear of not knowing, stayed with me. Of all of the experiences from the NCCWSL convention: a guided tour of the Capitol building with a special emphasis of contributions from women, targeted seminars, and meeting new friends, Owens’ words stayed with me.

     Upon my return, I was asked to deliver a presentation about my experience to the Flagler County Branch. I sat at a table and listened as a member told the story of her neighbor who had just lost her husband. Not only was she lost because of her husband’s death, she was financially lost, too. She lacked basic skills many take for granted, today. Although I attended meetings on a regular basis, I only joined the group last year; yet, similar stories would seemingly find their way to my ears. McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) proffer “communication is about attempting to influence others to change” (p. 285). This past May, I was elected as the group’s president-elect.

     AAUW Flagler does an amazing job of addressing educational needs of women through their many scholarship programs. Middle school girls are given the chance to advance math and science skills through Tech Trek. High school students, including boys, are able to receive scholarships to offset tuition costs. College women who have completed their Associate in Arts degree are offered NCCWSL scholarships to expose them to leadership opportunities. Local schools benefit from AAUW Flagler’s sponsorship of the “Supplying Things You Find Fundamental” S.T.U.F.F. bus through monthly donations of school supplies (AAUW, n.d.). The majority of the group’s membership represents an older age demographic; yet, there is not a focus on economic empowerment for women of any age. With many young women entering college for the first time, or older women returning to school following a long absence, sound financial advice would empower women, regardless of age. I am presently considering making a suggestion to the group that we begin to explore if there is a need for a program as outlined by Owens in Flagler County; and, if so, could or should the group consider adding this chapter to our story?

     AAUW’s story’s first sentence began in 1881 (AAUW, n.d.). One hundred and thirty one years later, pages filled with new text, photos, and chapters are being added to the basic foundation that is, empowering women by helping break through educational and economic barriers. Just as the trunk of the tree absorbs nutrients and sends them to the branches; so, too does the national organization. However, it is through the branches that change, must like photosynthesis, is infused. Local topics and community interests help find applicable bases for the mission of the national group. The changes are written across the headlines: civil rights, equal rights, and the right to choose a career rather than be relegated to a choice from yesteryear.

References

AAUW. (n.d.). Our History: The Story of AAUW’s Place in Women’s History. In About

            AAUW Who We Are. Retrieved from http://www.aauw.org/who-we-are/

AAUW Flagler County (FL) Branch. (2015, Feb.). AAUW Flagler - Branch History. In

            About Us. Retrieved from http://flaglercounty-fl.aauw.net/about-us/

AAUW Flagler County (FL) Branch. (n.d.). The Power of Membership. [Video file].

            Retrieved from http://flaglercounty-fl.aauw.net/

AAUW Flagler County (FL) Branch. (n.d.). S.T.U.F.F. Bus. In Activities. Retrieved from

            http://flaglercounty-fl.aauw.net/activities/stuff-bus/

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of

Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA. Jossey-Bass.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book.

            Oakland, CA. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Whalen, D.J. (2007). The Professional Communications Toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA. Sage

Publications, Inc.